R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Where has it gone?

Americans are ruder than ever before, Deborah Norville writes in her new book, “The Power of Respect.” She shares why respecting others is the most forgotten element in attaining success. An excerpt.

A front-row seat
There’s a blessing and a curse to having a job like mine at Inside Edition. The blessing of anchoring this television news show is that I have a front-row seat for what’s happening in the world. Sometimes the stories make your heart swell with pride, like the tale of Jason McElwain, who had the respect and admiration of his school — and the entire nation — when he scored an astonishing twenty points in the last four minutes of the final regular game of the season. Most of the time, Jason was known as “the kid with autism,” but on this day, the coach told the seventeen-year-old who served as the team’s manager to suit up. Jason had never played in a game before.

Jason was carried off the court on the team’s shoulders. Students at the school were clamoring for his autograph. He later got to meet President George W. Bush. His mom, Debbie, said he was an inspiration for people everywhere with disabilities.

If you’re ever in a hospital where the walls are alive with color, where ceiling tiles sport rainbows and butterflies just where a patient on a gurney might see them, chances are John Feight has been there. Feight is a man who embodies the Power of Respect. He has spent the past thirty years traveling the world, painting every hospital surface imaginable with beautiful images that promote healing. It started when he was visiting a sick friend and thought the dreary halls could use a splash of color. One little girl, a burn victim, silently watched him work. When he offered her a brush and suggested she help paint, her smile launched a mission that has taken the healing power of art to hospitals in all but a half dozen nations on earth. The founder of the Foundation for Hospital Art, John Feight believes everyone is an artist. Like a pied piper, he attracts visitors, medical staff, and most importantly patients, who eagerly grab brushes to fill in the murals he’s sketched.

Feight looks like a doctor in his paint-splattered green scrubs. He says painting takes patients away from their medical problems into a pain-free world of creativity. He learned just how transformative that process could be when he was treated for prostate cancer. As soon as Feight was well enough, he went back to the hospital where he had been treated and painted the bare ceiling he’d stared at during his stay.

The story of Patrick Henry Hughes is another touching reminder that all of us have something unique. Patrick Henry Hughes is just more unique than most. Born blind, with multiple physical disabilities, Patrick Henry has been in a wheelchair his whole life. What he lacks in physical abilities, he more than compensates for in musical talent. His fingers fly over the piano and his voice is clear and strong, creating music that demands that you stop and drink in the sound.

When the University of Louisville marching band hits the field, you can’t miss Patrick. That’s right — he’s the trumpet player in the wheelchair, being maneuvered around by his father. It is a beautiful story of love and respect. His father learns the marching band’s routine so he doesn’t miss a step during halftime. The elder Mr. Hughes, who’s also named Patrick, can also be found in the classrooms at U of L, guiding his son from class to class. He works the overnight shift in order to be available for his son. Mr. Hughes said he never felt he was sacrificing anything for his son. On the contrary, he said, “It’s what Patrick does for me.” You can’t help but watch the Hugheses’ incredible story and marvel at the father-son bond as well as feel yourself drawn closer to the loved ones in your own life.

I’ve loved seeing these stories on Inside Edition, but the flip side of my job is that I see other stories all too close up. Lately the picture isn’t very pretty.

There was the cute little cheerleader who thought she was going to a sleepover. Instead she was jumped by her so-called friends, who then proceeded to videotape the attack. The horrible girls proved their stupidity by posting the episode online — enabling the rest of the world to learn of their vicious acts and helping cops to make multiple arrests. Victoria Lindsay was left with a concussion and hearing and vision loss. Her attackers were left with criminal records. They were sentenced to probation.

Did you see the fourteen-year-old kid in Baltimore who got reamed out by the police officer for riding his skateboard where he wasn’t supposed to? It was no wonder. It was obvious to everyone (and everyone saw it because the video ended up on YouTube) that young Eric just could not stop himself from saying “dude” to the officer. Officer Rivieri was not amused.

It is ridiculous that anyone would call 911 to complain that the local McDonald’s didn’t have the Chicken McNuggets she ordered. (Yes, that really happened — in Fort Pierce, Florida.) LaTreasa Goodman told cops she wouldn’t have made a stink if the cashier taking her order had told her in advance the restaurant was out of McNuggets.

Downright tragic is the only way to describe what happened in DeKalb County, Georgia, where eleven-year-old Jaheem Herrera hanged himself last April. His friend said, “He’s tired of everybody always messing with him at school.” The boy was the object of “relentless bullying” at his elementary school. His little sister discovered his body.

Outrageous is the adjective that comes to mind in the Thomas Junta story. He’s currently serving a six- to ten-year prison sentence for killing a man in Massachusetts during a kids’ hockey practice. Junta complained the victim’s kids were playing too aggressively. They exchanged words, then Junta beat the man. The children were watching. Junta has twice been denied parole.

We all have our favorite songs, but can you imagine killing a man over a Jimmy Buffett song? Neither can I — but it happened. A soldier from Fort Bragg died after a fight outside a bar in Steamboat Springs, Colorado, last January. Well, it wasn’t really even a fight. Richard Lopez had selected a Jimmy Buffett song on the jukebox and some other patrons heckled him about the choice. Later, when Lopez and his friends left the bar, one of the hecklers punched Lopez in the face and his head hit the pavement. He never regained consciousness. Several eyewitnesses say Lopez never raised a hand toward his assailant.

From Hollywood starlets to Wall Street moguls (and many people in between), it is becoming far more common for the headlines to highlight people with disrespectful attitudes and behaviors.

I used to think that people eventually get around to doing the right thing because, well, it’s the right thing to do. Yet after years of reporting stories of violence, rudeness, and disrespect, I now realize that may not be the case for everyone.

Frustration about how humans interact is nothing new. Since the time of Confucius, more than two thousand years ago, people have behaved obnoxiously enough to warrant concern.

Excuuuse me — must we be so rude?
Americans don’t often agree on many things, but when it comes to respect, people say there’s less of it lately. Nearly eight in ten Americans (79 percent) say a lack of respect and courtesy is a serious national problem, and most people say it’s getting worse (60 percent). Seventy-three percent say we used to treat one another with greater respect. When asked if they felt that way because of “a false nostalgia for a past that never existed,” only 21 percent said yes. The rest of us think that Americans’ attitude of disrespect really is worse these days.

Rudeness in America

• 79 percent say lack of respect is a serious problem.

• 60 percent say rude and selfish behavior is increasing.

• 88 percent sometimes encounter rude people.

• 62 percent are bothered by rude behavior.

• 77 percent see clerks ignoring customers.

• 58 percent encounter aggressive drivers.

• 56 percent are bothered by foul language.

What has people feeling this way? The list is long and touches on almost every aspect of daily life. Get cut off by someone on the highway? In a 2002 survey conducted by Public Agenda, aggressive driving topped the list of “aggravating circumstances.” Fifty-eight percent of survey respondents say they are confronted by reckless and aggressive drivers, and nearly two-thirds believe it’s getting worse. One lady who ’fessed up to being aggressive behind the wheel (and 35 percent admit they’re guilty of aggressive driving) said the car was like a cocoon, separating you from the other drivers and providing a sense of anonymity. It’s easy to act like a jerk when you feel no connection to the folks around you.

Sideline screamers also made the list. Out-of-control parents at youth sports events who shout at coaches, referees, and the kids are not just getting on the nerves of the person being yelled at. In the Public Agenda survey, 71 percent of people who watch organized sports for kids say they’ve seen sideline screamers, and two thirds are bothered by them.

Loud cell phone use, calls in inappropriate places, crude language on the Internet or in conversation, surly staff at stores, and those interminable waits on customer “service” lines at companies also ranked high on the list of aggravations.

More from TODAY Makeover! New look gets her a proposal Ho-ho-ho! White House Christmas tree arives Sad development: The last Kodachrome film lab Clickable video: Hottest tech gifts of 2009 Star quality? Get your guy on the TODAY show

What is respect?
What exactly is respect? Thanks to Aretha Franklin, we all know how to spell it. Her strong, powerful rendition of the song “Respect” makes listeners sit a bit straighter, walk a bit taller, and be a bit more self-assured. But Aretha singing about respect did something more: it inspired us to expect respect from others.

The song was written by Otis Redding, but under Aretha its message took on a life of its own. Jerry Wexler, who influenced the careers of stars like Ray Charles, Bob Dylan, and the Drifters, produced many of Franklin’s hits, including “Respect.” He told Rolling Stone magazine the song was “global in its influence, with overtones of the civil-rights movement and gender equality. It was an appeal for dignity.”

MORE FROM TODAY BOOKS: MISCELLANEOUS

Racing to save Earth’s most endangered species

Racing to save Earth’s most endangered species Jimmy Carter: How volunteering gave me joy ‘K2’: Anatomy of a deadly climbing expedition R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Where has it gone? What do Americans really want? TV and sex Life lessons from childhood cancer survivors ‘Our Boys’ is a happier ‘Friday Night Lights’ How to assess your self-worth Two brothers, 12 months, one filmmaking dream No such thing as virginity, author says   Add Today Books: Miscellaneous headlines to your news reader: