Rules of dating can help you land a dream job

Nicole Williams, author of "Girl on Top," is a career expert who advises taking the tactics used to land a man and applying them to your career to help you come out on top. Here, she introduces tried-and-true dating rules and reveals how they can be applied just as effectively in the office. An excerpt.

Chapter one: Follow your heart
I’ve been having a love affair for the past seven years. On some days this love of mine seriously drives me to drink but I never seem to tire of it. It inspires me to be bigger and better than I really am. It’s broken my heart and I’ve felt utter disappointment, but I never want to leave. It’s simultaneously exhausting and exhilarating. It continually exposes me to brilliant, outrageous, and engaging people and circumstances. And for good or for bad, it’s always waiting. My true love ... my career.

Having grown up watching my mom hate her job, I have an admittedly obsessive drive to love what I do (and by extension help others get there, too). And while on some days I question whether I’m a wee bit codependent, I never, ever doubt the power of following your heart.

Finding the love of your life
It’s the hands-down, number one question I’m asked:

How do I find a career I love?

It comes from women new to the game, those slogging it out for way too many years in the wrong career, or even those who are relatively satisfied but wondering if there might be something more.

Some people search their whole lives and never find a career they love, some fall into love on day one and are committed for life, and still others fall in love over and over again. I’ve come to believe that just like in our relationships, loving your career has a lot to do with expectations — ultimately you get the love (and the career) you think you deserve. The same friend who has yet to find a man worthy of her affections is in and out of jobs as frequently as you apply gloss. I meet women who won’t settle for anything less than rapturous, enduring, passion for their job and others who take a more utilitarian, nine-to-five approach, working simply because they need to pay the bills (and have a little left over for Blahniks) and want to hit the bar by six.

I remember telling my beloved gramps that I was leaving a “stable” [solid income, 401(k), government-funded, management position] to follow my passion, and he seriously thought I was out of my mind. Having lived through a war and the Great Depression and having raised kids as an immigrant working two jobs, for him the whole concept of “loving” a job was downright ludicrous.

You can sit wherever you want on the love-your-job spectrum, but please know that at the end of the day (which in the majority of cases is somewhere between eight and twelve hours), you’re spending 70 percent of your waking life working and that’s simply too much life to waste wishing the hours away. What’s ludicrous from my perch is sitting around, wasting your potential, and never experiencing or sharing the love. If you haven’t found the love of your life or if you’re still considering other options, here are some places to look.

An arranged marriage
Your mom’s a doctor. Your mom’s dad is a doctor. His father was a doctor. Not necessarily a bad thing to consider a hand-me-down career with an already established client list and sign on the door. Your passion may very well be found in the genes.

Love at first sight
It’s hard to believe but some people come out of the womb knowing they were meant to be a photographer ... chef ... florist. This “knowing” is generally some combination of observation (that looks fun) and instinct (that flower would be perfect right ... there). Take a look around. The love of your life may be right in front of your eyes.

Play the field
The downright best way to increase your odds is by getting out there and exploring your options. I meet a lot of women who think (a) their dream career will magically appear without any effort (it won’t), and (b) their first choice is the best and only option (it’s not).

Same way you wouldn’t expect to marry the first and only guy you ever dated, your long-term career relationship isn’t likely to come on the first go-round. Following in my mom’s paint factory footsteps when I was in college, I realized somewhere between mind-numbingly stacking paint cans on a skid and checking out the Playboy centerfolds in the staff lunch room that sometimes you have to experience the wrong relationship to know what you’re looking for in the right one. Sometimes we need exposure to a lot of the wrong options before we land on the right one. Don’t be afraid to play the career field. Just remember that — no different than being labeled “easy” in the dating pool — your reputation is everything when it comes to building your career. Feel free to try different jobs on for size in order to find your fit, but keep in mind that at the end of the day you need to stick around long enough to deliver. No one likes a tease.

Still can’t decide?
I’m all about keeping the cooks out of the kitchen, especially as you’re exploring your options (everyone will have an opinion) but there does come a point when a little outside perspective is necessary. If you haven’t decided if this is the “one” or have multiple options to consider, it’s time to take this new love of yours out on the town. Over drinks or dinner, introduce your peeps to the varying options and ask for their opinion. Don’t underestimate how well your friends and family know you and how helpful an outside objective perspective can be. Their insight may be invaluable.

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Just be wary of the naysayer. This is a true story. Right after I got engaged, I was walking down the street with the last of our still-single friends and told her the good news. She literally dropped to her knees in the street and started crying, “What about me?” Nothing’s more threatening to the lonely, job-hater than the woman who has just gotten her hands on a job she loves.

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