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Q: Are there some women who have no idea how their bodies work and as a result they don’t know how to get aroused?
Dr. Gail: One of the biggest impediments for women is that they have never really understood, looked at or examined their own genitals. They have not really figured out what kind of stimulation and where feels best for them, so they are not able to guide a partner in this.
Many men don’t know either, unless they have had a partner who has really shown them, and even then because each person is different they cannot know what works for you. Many women are afraid to ask questions because they feel if it's not obvious, it must be because their genitals don’t work properly and they can’t have an orgasm. This is really untrue, but such a powerful belief can certainly keep you from becoming aroused enough.
Q: What can a man do to help the woman he’s with climax if she’s having trouble?
Dr. Drew: Men need to understand the biology of the female he is dealing with. Men have to recognize that women are not all the same when it comes to what can get them aroused. Men think that foreplay is kissing and touching a woman’s genitals. But for some women, foreplay is having a nice intimate dinner or connecting emotionally through various situations. Also, both people do not need to be so concerned with getting to the finish line and climaxing. Couples should be more concerned about creating a more intimate relationship with each other. Finally, men need to pay more attention to their partner's needs and try figuring out what works best for the person they are with, and men should not assume their partner wants what they want.
Q: Can you give a list of general tips a woman can use that will help a woman get sexually aroused and ultimately climax?
Dr. Gail: If you are trying to climax and haven’t been able to, or if it's very difficult for you and you wish it were easier, here are some suggestions:
- Self-stimulation. Its hard to say enough good things about how important it is to know yourself. Even if you have a partner, you only stand to make things better by practicing alone, when the pressure is off, to find out what works best for you and discover how to show him, too.
- Try a vibrator. A battery-operated vibrator can help “break through” an obstacle to climaxing. Once you have had the experience several times, it will give you confidence that you “work just fine” and allow you to replicate that stimulation on your own or with your partner.
- More direct stimulation. You can’t count on intercourse alone to provide enough stimulation. Manually, orally or with a vibrator, you may need to have you or your partner stimulate the clitoris more directly.
- Use fantasy! You need a good fantasy to boost arousal enough to climax ... thinking about what you should make for dinner tomorrow during sex is not going to do it.
- Try new things. Like with anything else in life, the same old, same old can get boring and boring does not go well together with orgasm. so mix it up and try new things to increase your arousal.
Dr. Drew: First, every person is highly individualized so if a person is seriously concerned, then they first need to get a medical evaluation and make sure there’s nothing biologically going on to prevent them from climaxing.
- Focus on emotional intimacy with your partner.
- Experiment and try new ways to please yourself.
- Don’t be afraid to communicate with your partner because men aim to please and they want to please you!
- Understand that your partner cannot read your mind, so talk to your partner about how you’re feeling and what you need.
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